Respect - How it Works

Respect is a character trait - a high moral value that one person exercises toward another. Ask how it works, and you get a variety of answers. Some declare that we must earn respect. Others insist that we demand respect. When we look at authentic respect and how it works, however, we find something entirely different.

Respect and how it works boils down to an understanding of the character trait itself. We have to look at what it is. How do we define respect?

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Basic

Respect is a conscious thought that issues forth into actions chosen to show that we value another individual, even if such valuation requires personal sacrifice on our part. At its base, this character trait recognizes that every human has worth simply by merit of being human. Men and women of character exercise basic respect toward every human.

Esteem begins in the mind, in the heart. It begins with a conscious acceptance of the fact that every other person on earth has value. Once we have accepted that, high esteem turns the thought into actions. We treat people in ways that show how much we think they are worth.

Value Added

Businesses often enhance their products or services before offering them to customers, making them worth more. A car dealer may add to the value of a new car by offering a free upgrade to the car's sound system. A computer retailer may offer one year of free support on every new computer. In business, such enhancements are often referred to as "value added."

Respect adds value to certain people. The people are the "product," so to speak. We add value to the "product" according to our observations and beliefs. Here is how it works.

Consider these four examples:

· Parents. People around the globe believe that we should honor our mothers and fathers. This is value added to the basic human. We move parents to a new level where common practice dictates that their offspring must honor them.

· Teachers. Teachers have value added. The people of most nations believe that children should show teachers more than basic honor. Some still hold teachers in that high esteem they once received universally. In those nations, the entire community reveres teachers, and considers them of great worth even after retirement.

· Clergy. We add value to people who are ordained for religious service, too. In some cases, our religious beliefs themselves dictate that we highly esteem religious leaders. Other people add worth to clergy out of cultural training, while some defer to clergy out of a sense of fear.

· Authority Figures. You and I may add value to people who have positions of authority - or at least to the position itself. We defer to police officers, firefighters, government officials, and others who hold authority over others. Again, the motivation differs from person to person, but we commonly render honor.

Earning It

Understand respect and how it works, and you will see that we do not earn this character trait from others.

Esteem is not a salary. It is not wages paid for an accomplishment. We do not make a contract with those around us in which we promise to perform a stated amount of work on ourselves in return for which they will pay us honor.

Here is how it works. Those who perceive value in us give honor voluntarily. We may think we added value to ourselves by furthering education or increasing experience. However, people do not incur a debt of esteem to us because we added what we think is value. Only as others observe that we have greater value will they exercise higher esteem.

Demanding It

Understand respect and how it works, and you will understand that we cannot demand this character trait.

Monarchs are accustomed to demanding respect, and they succeed in bowing the bodies of their subjects, but a bowed body is not a bowed heart. Respect bows from the heart, and does not respond to demands.

Here is how it works. Parents and teachers who demand honor from young people may get compliance, but not honor. People give honor only to people that they deem worthy of the honor. As long as those teachers and parents remain in the demanding mode, young people will not consider them as people of high value.

Commanding It

What can we say, then, about commanding respect?

We get a better idea of this phrase by comparing it to "commanding a higher salary." You often command a higher salary if you have more to offer a company. It is not a matter of actually earning the higher salary. You receive it because it is proper to give that salary to someone of your quality. Your quality makes the higher salary fitting.

In similar manner, you command respect because of what you yourself are. You do not earn esteem by doing something. You receive it because it is proper and becoming for people to give it to someone of your quality. Men and women of character - those who have the courage of their convictions and treat others properly - will command respect for themselves.

Conclusion

Understand respect and how it works, and you will understand that we cannot earn or demand this character trait. We receive it from those who recognize our worth and give it voluntarily.

Respect - How it Works

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